Rachel Troublefield

"there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people. . ." -vincent van gogh

This Is Stupid

This is Stupid is about me. Feeling stupid. 

Well, kind of. 

It’s about me being awkward.  Which is a pretty usual state of being for me.

In college I had MAJOR feelings for this guy who will remain unnamed.  Actually let’s call him “Hal” (No his name is not really “Hal". Yes this IS the code-name my friend Brittany and I gave him just in case he snuck up on us mid chat-sesh about him.)
It was a very strange and confusing relationship.  

We never dated. 

I never wanted him to actually know that I was into him. 

Kind of dumb, right? 

I was like whatever, I’ll probably never see him again. It’s cool, no big deal. (Except that I did think it was a big deal because I was really into this guy.) 

Fast forward to last year when I wrote this song, "This Is Stupid”.  
I got wind that “Hal”  had moved to New York.  And I was like “Oh H no!. . .Great, just when I thought I totally forgotten about him". . .

Then I heard he was going to be at this event I was going to and again I thought "OH H NO!" (H stands for heck or hell or hail or whatever you’d like it to that is generally appropriate. I can’t think of a word beginning with “H” that isn’t appropriate, although,  I’m sure there is.) 

I didn’t want to see him. 

But I did want to see him. 

So I got awkward and shy and cared way too much about what I was wearing and what I looked like and what I would say if I saw him. 

I didn’t see him. 

I actually JUST missed him.  

God’s protection? 

Anyway, I wrote this song for all those times that I and you feel like we are still 14 and have to wear your retainer to school.  For all those times you feel really cute with your new lipstick but are constantly wondering if it’s on your teeth.  When you have these feelings but you’re mad at your feelings and you feel stupid and it’s stupid that you feel stupid because you’re supposed to be an adult and stuff and. . . THIS IS STUPID.  


-Rachel Troublefield.